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Happy Birthday Angel!

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My angel's birthday
A collage of memories from Trey’s birth.
My angel's birthday
Choosing to celebrate Trey’s life!

Today my son would have been 11 years old.  I often wonder what my little angel would be like had he been born healthy.  Would he look more like me or his daddy?  Every year this time I try my best to celebrate his life and not focus on his death.  Trey was only here for six short days but he impacted my life in so many ways.

I’ve always had a relationship with God.  You know call on him in bad times and often an afterthought in good times.  That relationship changed in the 4 weeks prior to Trey’s birth but was sealed when he was born.  I have often told people this is when I learned to pray fervently without ceasing.  Looking at my 1lb 6oz son in the incubator with tubes running everywhere I would pray that somehow God would turn this around.  I’d pray that God allow me to trade places with my little boy.

Trey was born with a Grade IV brain bleed on his left side.  His lungs were severely underdeveloped because my membrane ruptured at 20 weeks.  The doctors were amazed this sick little boy lasted through the night.  Over the next five days, I refused to hear that my son’s health was declining.  There was a Grade IV bleed on the right side of his head.  There was talk of having to amputate his leg because of low blood flow to the lower limbs.

Deciding to let go was a very painful decision that I tried not to face on an hourly basis.  Letting go meant giving up to me.  Eventually, his dad and I did let go.  Trey was christened by the hospital chaplain and then given to us to say our final goodbyes.  While holding him I called his name and he opened his eyes.  A peace came over me somehow his eyes told me he would be alright.

With Trey being in the NICU for six days, I watched the best doctors and nurses doing their very best to help these little babies survive.  I gained a new appreciation for nurses but critical care nurses especially.  Every day they come to work not knowing if their little patients will make it through the day or night.  I know that they can’t help but get attached to these little ones who are prone to succumb to death at any given moment.  And yet every shift rotation they come in filled with empathy, kind words, and encouragement for the families.  If you ever get sick thank your nurse for being who she is because they are the reason so many of us regain health and continue living the life we live.  Thank you to all the special nurses in the world.

Finally, Trey’s little life impacted me through finding my own strength.  If someone had asked me six months prior if your baby died could you survive.  My answer probably would have been no.  I never would have believed that my life would have included losing a child.  And I would have thought I would not be strong enough to survive it.  But here I am today!  This little boy empowered me to find my own strength.  How could I be glum and crying at his bedside but expecting him not to feel or receive my negative spirit.  Trey fought longer than the doctors expected him to live.  And so, I remember his fighting spirit.  I remember his eyes looking into mine.  And I remember that he was a Gift from God if only for a short time.

So today I wish my angel a happy 11th birthday.  I love you more than words can say.  Until we meet again my angel.

I hope sharing this part of my life encourages someone who is dealing with the loss of a pregnancy or baby.  This scripture helped me through my rough times Isaiah 53:5.

Isaiah 53 5

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77 Comments on "Happy Birthday Angel!"

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CHIQUITH HARRISON
Guest

Happy Birthday In Heaven Trey This Just Left Me In Tears You Truly Are A Strong Woman May God Bless You And The Family

Rhonda Martin
Guest

My heart hurts for you. I don’t know if I would have your strength. Your testimony is inspiring. May our Heavenly Father pour His blessings on you, and continue to keep you lovingly held in His hands.

Rhonda Martin
Guest

Thanks for sharing. Trey’s spirit will forever live through you. Hugs and 😘. JWINNY

Vy
Guest

Thank you sharing your story. I couldn’t imagine having to make such a painful decision and overcome losing your child. What strength. May God bless you double for your suffering. It is wonderful that you celebrate Trey’s birthday. Happy 11th Birthday to Trey.

Barbara Harvey
Guest

Oh wow Shelanda. This is so touching and heartbreaking. I will never know what or how you felt and are still feeling but I know I love you and I am praying for you. Thank you for sharing.

Sara Barr
Guest

So beautifully written — takes me back 11 years. I’m so proud of you and love you, friend!! Sending love and hugs today and every day!!

Kadena
Guest

Shelanda, this is a heartfelt tribute to your precious Trey! I’m thankful that you found peace & strength through his life & death! Continue to share your story!

Angela
Guest

You are a strong person. I watched you make the decision to give Trey to God. It was hard but you made the right choice. I am always here for you.

Dana
Guest

Beautiful story and thanks for sharing….

Jackie O'Neal
Guest

I remember oh so well the very day you conceived Trey and I will never forget the day that The Lord decided to call Trey home. I have watch you at your weakest hour, we both shared some tears, but through it all you never lost your faith. Shelanda you are a amazing woman continue to celebrate your son life. Happy Birthday Trey!!!! R.I.P. We loved you but God loved you best🎂🎂🎂🎂🦋

Gloria Bryant
Guest

A powerful story. Good bless you all

Gloria Bryant
Guest

A powerful story

www.linux.org
Guest

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Miranda
Guest

Happy birthday to the sweet angel Trey! Thank you for sharing your story momma. I had a premature baby. Nowhere near the severity, but I know the NICU life. You’re an inspiration!

Sara
Guest

Thank you for writing so freely. Our Faith would have been 3 this April. I have come in contact with so many wonderful people who have gone through similar losses. This group, as sad as it is that we are members, has been a great support for me as I go through my grief journey. I know all of our precious babies will greet us at the Pearly Gates. What a great day that will be!

Anitra
Guest

So this must be by the grace of God that I saw your post. I delivered a stillborn daughter on this day back in 2003, 14 years ago. I almost couldn’t believe what I was reading when I saw your post, it was sheer shock that we had similar stories that occurred on the same day. Although she wasn’t able to spend any time with me here on Earth, I can honestly say I understand how you feel. May God continue to give you strength.

Kelly
Guest

My mother-in-law is a NICU nurse. She is an angel to us and thanks to your insight of how the hospital staff treated you during your son’s battle, I now have an idea of what she does for the families that she works with. My God bless you and your family as you seek to continue to honor the memory of your special little boy.

Kamie Berry
Guest

This was truly heartbreaking to read, but inspirational as well. Thank you for sharing your story.

Sheree | Healthy Life, Happier Life
Guest

Beautifully written. I’m sure this post will help other parents dealing with loss. ❤️

Cerin
Guest

Beautifully written!

Stacey
Guest

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope others can find comfort in what you’ve shared.

Nicole
Guest

Really, such a beautiful tribute to your boy!

Joanne
Guest

You are a true inspiration! May God bless you and your family. 💙💙💙💙💙

Lisa
Guest

Nurses truly are wonderful people and how they deal with the grief on a daily basis never ceases to amaze me. Hugs to everyone!

Bola
Guest

Omg! You have so strong. Hbd trey.

Christy
Guest

You are an inspiration to others! Many blessings to you and your family.

Rachel
Guest

A very difficult read. You are so very strong. I had a child in the NICU as well and there are some very amazing people that work on that unit. Happy Birthday to your boy!

Carmen
Guest

Great post, Shelanda. Thank you for sharing your experience which will help others in their own losses. So glad you have the hope to see your son again.

Katie
Guest

Thank you for sharing! It was beautiful written.

Lisa
Guest

Thanks so much for sharing your story! I can’t even imagine what you went through.

Chelsea
Guest

Happy Birthday, little Trey. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story!

Christine
Guest

God bless you and your family. Happy birthday Trey. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s allowed me to look at my loss in a different way.

Melissa
Guest

Happy birthday baby boy! 🙁 sending my love to you and your family! Celebrating is his life is such a wonderful thing to do.

Courtney
Guest

Such a beautiful way to remember him.

Carrie
Guest

I’m so sorry you lost your son. It’s such a beautiful thing for you to continue celebrating him every year though. What a lovely tribute to him. 🙂

Debra
Guest

Such a heartbreaking, yet beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.

Carla
Guest

This was so heartbreaking to read but I’m so glad you were able to get through this and come out the other side. You were also really brave to share and I’m sure this will help a lot of people who are going through/have gone through the same thing.

Carla x

Kourtney
Guest

That is wonderful that you celebrate him!! {{{{Sending love and hugs}}}}

Eva
Guest

wow, what a heartbreaking, yet beautiful post. I’m so incredibly sorry that you went through this, but nevertheless I admire your strength and honesty with your experience. Sending you lots of love, thank you for sharing. <3

whatevawears.co.uk

Annie
Guest

You are so so strong. This post must be very close to your heart so thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Amina
Guest

Happy birthday to him . I am sorry for your loss but admire your strength!

Amina xx

Mrs. Smith
Guest

I too have Loved and lost and like you my relationship with God made all the difference. May God continue to bless us with peace and increase our faith.

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